The Farm Read online

said that she probably does, Jackman. I said it twice. And I meant it.”

  “You think I’m good looking, Ryder?”

  “Oh no, come on, man,” I groaned. “Not this again.”

  “Why can’t you just say that I’ve really become a good looking man? I was a bit heavy before and-”

  “A bit heavy?”

  “I used to be heavy, okay?”

  “You weren’t heavy. You were a bus with eyes. You were even fatter than I was and I was enormous. Between the two of us we had enough chins to cast a kung fu movie.”

  “That was a pretty racist thing to say.”

  “I don’t think it counts if they don’t exist anymore.”

  “It still does.”

  I slid farther down the wall of the building and tried to get comfortable. Jackman settled in next to me.

  “It’s pretty fun being out here at night when there are no attacks.”

  “I’m glad you think so.”

  I yawned. “Now I’m going to take a little nap and after a couple of hours you’re going to wake me up and then I’ll let you have a turn taking a nap. Deal?”

  “No deal. It’s bad enough that we’re not marching the perimeter. If Hunter found out we’re sleeping he’d have us ground up and used as fertilizer.”

  Hunter was head farmer.

  “Hunter won’t know.” I pulled my helmet over my eyes and slid my ammo bag under the small of my back. It definitely wasn’t a bed in a five star hotel but it was comfortable enough.”

  “You know what Hunter told me?”

  “Nope. Don’t care either.”

  “You never care about anything.”

  “Yes I do. I care about sleep at this very moment.”

  “Hunter’s dad used to pick on him for being fat just like my dad did to me. He was telling some of us the other day that his dad used to tell his uncles, ‘the only thing that Hunter has ever hunted is Oreos and he even had trouble catching them.’ I don’t mean to laugh at Hunter’s expense but that one was hilarious.”

  “That’s real funny, Jackman. You haven’t heard enough fat jokes for a lifetime? Now let me go to sleep.”

  “Alright, fine.”

  Far off in the distance we heard gunfire.

  “Hey.”

  “I hear it.”

  “One of the other farms is getting attacked again.”

  “Mm hmm,” I said lazily.

  “If the marauders manage to take the farm they’ll probably eat all of the farmers again – you know - after they finish off all of the fruit and vegetables that is, like they did at Farm 7.”

  “I suppose.”

  “Hey, Ryder?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you ever think about it?”

  “What?”

  “You know, when we were marauders.”

  “What? No. Sometimes, I guess.”

  “I think about it a lot.”

  “Don’t think about it and definitely don’t tell anybody about it.”

  “I can’t help thinking about it.”

  “Sometimes you do what you have to do, Jackman, and then you move on and forget about it. Some things are better left.”

  “I have bad dreams.”

  “That happens to everyone. You’ll get past them.”

  “I think it changed me for good, Ryder. I’ll always know deep inside that I’m a cannibal.”

  “You’re not a cannibal, Jackman. We did what we had to do to survive and now that’s over. Just put that shit out of your head or you’ll snap like Jimmy Patterson.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Now let me get some sleep.”

  “Okay.”

  Jackman only managed to sit still for a few minutes before he started talking again.

  “Do you think we’ll ever have to eat people again?”

  “No, And I’m not going to dream about eating anything except the chili cheese dogs and fries they used to serve at Itchy’s on the Boardwalk.”

  “Yeah, those were awful good.”

  “Right. Dream about Itchy’s.”

  “But if you-”

  “Jackman! With some things it’s just better when they’re not talked about anymore! Some things are better left alone.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good.”

  “But seriously, Ryder, those people that come for us, they’re just hungry like we were. What really makes us any better than them?”

  “Because they still eat people and we don’t eat people anymore! And we never killed anybody so we could eat them! And even if you still dream about eating people, it’s not the same as doing it when you actually eat carrots and beets and nuts and yams. We’re not cannibals. That’s in the past. Not me, and not you, Jackman.”

  “Okay, Ryder.”

  “Good. We done with that?”

  “Yeah, done.”

  “Good. Never again. Don’t ever tell the shrink that stuff about being a cannibal. You got me? And if anybody ever asks you if you ever ate human you tell them no. What if you kept talking about it and somebody got it in their head that you needed to be punished or worse, that you still wanted the taste of human blood on your teeth?”

  “But I don’t, Ryder. I wish I never had.”

  “I know that but you know the way people are. They get all mixed up about things and then they’d ban you from the farm. They’d think you might be dangerous.”

  “I’ve done things that were wrong and I’m going to pay for them. I know that I will. You know what I mean. Karma. It’s already happening.”

  “That’s just superstition.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes.

  “Brenda Lapuzi said she’s going to kill me in front of the whole farm. An honor duel.”

  “Nobody’s got a reason to kill you. Who is it that said they want an honor duel with you?” I asked, moving my ammo bag so that I could lay on my side and use it as a pillow.

  “Brenda Lapuzi.”

  “You mean Beasta Lapuzi?”

  “She wasn’t born Beasta. She has a real name and it’s Brenda.”

  “I could never picture her with a real name. Why does she want the duel?”

  “Maybe because I was singing.”

  “Just for singing? That must’ve been some really horrible singing. She can’t request an honor duel over singing.”

  “I was singing and then she was dragging that little kid around by the hair – Shane. And then I said some things to her.”

  “That is her kid though, right?”

  “Doesn’t mean she can drag him around by the hair like that whenever she’s feeling surly, Ryder. So I told her so.”

  “I didn’t say that she has a right to do it, Jackman.” I tipped my helmet up and looked at him. “You going to fight her?”

  “She’s pretty big.”

  “I didn’t ask you how big she is. She’s enormous. I can see that every time she ducks her head to get into the distribution hall. I asked you if you’re going to fight her.”

  “Well, I don’t have much choice do I?”

  “How the hell does she manage to stay so big while everyone else keeps getting skinnier? Could she really maintain that size on the rations we eat? I don’t think so. She’s gotta be stealing food.”

  “She had radiation poisoning that affected her pituitary gland. It’s called gigantism. That’s why she’s so big, Ryder. And as for stealing, if she does, she’s never been caught.”

  “If anybody saw her do it they’d never report her.”

  “Probably right. She’s going to be pretty difficult to beat in a duel. Hard to fight dirty against a girl too. They don’t have anything to kick – you know – the way guys do.”

  “You’re going to need a plan of attack, Jackman.”

  “I’m not a fighter. I’ve never fought anyone. You know how some people are lovers and some people are fighters? I’m neither of those. I’m a hider.”

  “You can’t hide from her long around here.”

  “How wo
uld you fight her, Ryder?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I could spring at her like a cat and dig my fingers and feet into her chest. I’m not going to kill her. I don’t want to kill anybody unless I have to but maybe I could get her to just give up by pinching her skin real hard.”

  “That’s not going to work, Jackman. You really never have been in a fight, have you?”

  “Did you ever have a cat dig into your chest, Ryder? I did. It smarts like hell.”

  “What else do you got?”

  “When I was close to her I could jump up and poke her in the eyes so she’d be a big blind giant – like Sinbad did to the Cyclops. After I saved Shane from her we could run away and she’d have a hell of hard time finding us if she were blind.”

  “Yeah, that’s true, but the Cyclops only had one eye to stab. You’d have to get both of them.” I moved my rifle out from under my arm and it made a scraping noise on the sidewalk. “What about the little guy, Shane? How would he feel about staying with you?”

  “We’ve become pretty good buddies. I know that he’s only six but he’s smart as anybody. Smarter than me anyway. Beasta tells him that she wishes he was never born and that she’s going to toss him to the marauders someday. I really think she might. She’s got a messed up head.”

  “What a hell beast.”

  “Will you help me?”

  “Two on one?”

  “Yeah, nobody would care that we cheated. She’s harassed and terrified just about everyone on the farm at one time or another. You know that limp Karla Grisner has. That was from Beasta. Beasta stomped on her foot so hard once that she permanently destroyed some of her metatarsal bones. And the way Gelf Carlson’s nose lies to one side – an elbow from Beasta for looking her in the eye. Said she’d kill him in a duel if he ever did it again.”

  “It wouldn’t do you any good if I tried to help you, whether anybody cared or not. I’m weak. She’d smash me and toss me aside like a dead cat in about five seconds. I’d only make her angrier.”

  “You’re that scared of her, Ryder, that you