Tiny Earth 2 Read online

Tiny Earth 2

  By JT Pearson

  copyright 2013 Joseph Pearson

  “What happened, Maynard? Everything went dark. Why are we still here?” asked President Pierce.

  “I’m not sure, Mr. President. It seemed like we had all died for a moment.” The Secretary of Defense Lance Maynard leaned against the bars in his cell and rubbed his eyes.

  “Where did Tom’s plan go wrong?” asked the president from the small cell where he had been sitting for an indeterminable number of hours, a captive to the inhabitants of tiny earth. He knew it had been quite a few hours that he had been in the cell though because his butt had gone numb three times already, forcing him each time to get off the rock-hard cot and pace back and forth. Due to the inadequately small confines, he was really only able to take one step in both directions, which made for some dizzying pacing that was more like just twirling in continual circles. After a while he’d get dizzy and lose his balance and end up sitting on the cot again.

  Secretary of Defense Lance Maynard sat in the small cell to his right, and in the cell to the president’s left, the deepest most secret undercover agent from earth, the head of DC Carpet and Drapes, Luigi Giacomini. All three men were part of a team of Americans that had willingly allowed themselves to be shrunken down to microscopic proportions so that they could be transported down to the little planet that had declared war on earth. The tiny planet hung invisible to the naked eye in a park across from the White House. Its inhabitants may have secretly shared our atmosphere but not many of our cultural choices. The men from earth were there to establish a peace treaty with the miniature mad man that ran the planet, King Johnson. When that option seemed not be an option, the men went to plan B and executed a plan to destroy tiny earth. Tom Cruise had used his nose to employ a highly skilled ancient technique that forced animals to go berserk and attack, a technique that was taught to him on a spiritual retreat by John Travolta in which one used his nose to create a sound so tremendously irritating to animals that they had no choice but to become agitated and start biting until they managed to eliminate the noise. Tom caused a border collie that was in the park and within earshot to bite down violently on the invisible planet, thus forever ending the threat the tiny nemesis posed to earth. Or so the peace committee thought. The delicate orb remained intact. The miserable little planet still had most of their defense shield active, and now, after being bitten and swallowed by the dog in the park, the miniature sphere, which was only slightly worse for wear, was just leaving Nema’s stomach and entering her small intestine.

  “I heard King Johnson talking to one of his generals. Apparently, we are in an alien body cut off from the light of the sun. The planet is being lit by an artificial source.” Maynard cracked his knuckles angrily.

  “An alien?” asked the president.

  “An alien to them. No doubt it’s one of the animals back in the park on earth.”

  An inhabitant of tiny earth was coming down the aisle between the cells pushing a cart. He was stopping at those that were occupied and handing out sandwiches and bottles of something gray in color to drink. Luigi was up against the bars watching his every movement.

  “Where do you think they are holding President Holcomb?” the president asked Maynard.

  President Holcomb was the republican president that had held the term before President Pierce took office. Pierce was a democrat. President Pierce had forced Holcomb to accompany the landing party because the ex-president had avoided the responsibility of seeking a treaty with the microscopic but highly advanced planet while he was in office.

  “I overheard that conversation too. King Johnson said that he couldn’t bear another minute listening to you and Holcomb argue. So he had Holcomb locked up in a cell in another wing of the prison, Mr. President.”

  “Poor Tom,” said the president burying his face in his hands. “I dragged him into this mess. I wonder what horrible things they are doing to Tom right now. It was mean enough when King Johnson had Tom materialized on the surface of this planet a foot shorter.”

  “You mean relatively speaking, relative to the scale that we’ve all been resized to,” clarified Maynard.

  “Yes, of course relatively! They couldn’t have only shrunken him down a foot. He would have never fit on this microscopic hell.

  “I was just keeping things clear, Mr. President.”

  “What about you, Luigi? Any ideas yet?” The president turned to Luigi and saw that the portly little man was completely naked. The white body hair that covered his chest and nether region matched his head and moustache perfectly. “My goodness, Luigi! Is this planet getting to you? Have you lost your mind?”

  “Lost my mind? I don’t believe so, Mr. President. In fact, I’m just starting to finally use it since we arrived down here.” He twisted the tip of his mustache as he spoke. His blue eyes gleamed with a plan. “You see, the men of tiny earth do not wear clothing. If we are going to find a way to defeat them we have to get into their minds. We have to become like them.” He pantomimed as he spoke. “We have to eat like they eat. Walk like they walk. Breathe like they breathe. Smell like they smell. We have to be more than chameleons. We have to assimilate. We have to absorb into their everyday movements. We have to become them. Then we can steal their technology. We’ll get into their books and their computers. We’ll be like a virus inside them. We’ll be more powerful than they are because we’ll have all of their knowledge.” He stood silently watching the president’s and the secretary’s reaction. “Now, take off your clothing and discard them, Mr. President. You too, Mr. Secretary.”

  “Okay, Luigi. I’ve got what you’re saying. You mean like when you’re playing shirts verses skins basketball and the score is really close so you quickly take off your shirt so that the skins will mistake you for one of their own and pass you the ball, only to lose the game. That’s brilliant, Luigi.” He turned to Maynard. “You heard the man, Mr. Secretary, get naked.”

  “Can it just be down to our undies, Luigi?”

  “I don’t think so, Maynard,” the president answered for Luigi. “The men of tiny earth don’t wear their skivvies. We would still stand out.”

  “What about this, Mr. President?” said Maynard. “The women of tiny earth wear clothing, except for that old dinosaur that King Johnson is married to. We could get some wigs and some lady’s clothing and dress up as women. How about that idea? That might even work better to blend in among their people than going naked.”

  The president rubbed his temple and pictured the two of them as women. A frown drifted into place. “I don’t know, Maynard. I’m not real eager to dress as a woman and I’m really not sure that we could even pull it off.” He shook his head. “What do you think, Luigi?”

  But Luigi wasn’t in his cell anymore. Somehow, he was now out in the aisle pushing the cart while the jailer handed out the sandwiches. The jailer reached through the bars and handed the president something that resembled ham on rye, even though the people of tiny earth would never think of eating an animal. The animals of tiny earth were considered equal citizens. Tiny earth was a completely vegan planet. Then Luigi handed Maynard something that looked like a chicken salad sandwich. Maynard sniffed it and his face soured. The jailer and Luigi continued down the aisle. He slapped Luigi on the naked flesh of his shoulder and it made a naked slappy sound.

  “We’d better keep moving and get these sandwiches handed out,” said the jailer to Luigi. “What was your name again, friend?”

  “Louie.”

  “Right, Louie. That was it. We still have to groom the king’s hair.” Luigi followed the jailer while he pushed the squeaky wheeled cart. He looked back at the president and nodded as he left the prison.

  *

  King Johnson had Tom Cruise captive
in a separate room where he hung in mid air suspended mere inches from the ground. His mouth had been taped so that no one had to listen to him any longer while he screamed his threats at anyone that would listen. Tom agonizingly stretched out with his toes, trying to reach the floor but was just able to scrape it with the tips of his shoes. Nothing more. He got angry again and thrashed around with his legs, kicking and cussing through the tape. Suddenly he heard someone behind him.

  “You come to gloat, King Johnson?” Tom said. But through the tape it sounded more like “foo frum toke flonsin?”

  “My husband can be difficult to deal with at times, “said the queen, as she walked from the doorway into the room. She ran her fingers down Tom’s back and he shuddered. “He’s got you all bound up with his little antigravity thingy and you can’t go anywhere. That can be real frustrating. Trust me. I know.” She moved around to the front of Tom and leaned in and smelled the top of his head. “Sometimes the king likes to use it with me when he’s feeling amorous.” She winked at Tom and his stomach started to hurt. “You’re even smaller and cuter in person.” She turned her back to him. “You think life’s easy for me because I’m the queen. It’s not.”

  She stared out the window at the greenish lake in the distance. Tom swung forward and tried to hook her shoulders with his feet. He missed, his feet smacking together, before he swung back. Fortunately, the queen was too focused on her feelings to notice.

  “King Johnson thinks more of himself and how he appears to his people than he ever thinks of me.”

  Tom swung forward again and reached out with his feet so that he could choke her unconscious with his legs but again came up short.

  “I dated a man named Marshal before I met King Donald. He was a botanist. I liked him a lot. The king had him fed to one of his own plants. If I had married Marshal I wouldn’t live so lavishly but at least I’d have someone to talk to.”

  This time, Tom swung forward and threw a karate kick at the back of her head but only managed to brush her big mound of hair, which had been wrapped and jeweled in an elaborate do.

  She turned around and looked into his eyes. “You know, the people of tiny earth aren’t completely void of influence from earth, even though the king banishes all sources of entertainment from your planet. He insists that we don’t want your influence. But we have a black market where one can acquire such things. I adore earth music and movies. I particularly love your films. Watching you on the screen makes me all,” she wrapped her arms around herself, “tingly with goose bumps.” She ran her enormous knuckles across Tom’s cheek and then stopped when her fingers met the tape on his mouth. She ripped it off in one quick motion.

  “Son of a-owwwww!!! You could’ve told me you were going to do that.”

  “No. It’s always best when you don’t know that it’s coming.” She rubbed his lips with her long bony fingers and he twisted away and spit on the floor.

  “Listen, Queen-”

  “Abora. You may call me Abora.”

  “Abora, if you could just-”

  “I know that the women back on earth don’t look exactly as we do, but tell me, Tom, am I still attractive to you?”

  Tom took a breath and remembered his first acting coach that used to have him take a bite out of a lemon while looking into a mirror so that he could learn to overpower his facial muscles and project any expression that he chose. His face flickered with disgust for a millisecond. The queen never noticed. Instead she saw his trademark grin.

  “Of course I do. You’re a very…handsome woman.”

  “I knew that you felt something, too. I knew it when you were sitting with my husband and you looked right at me. I could see the excitement in your eyes, feel the electricity between us.” She moved forward and took Tom’s face in her hands, like a full grown man cupping a baseball. She leaned in to kiss him. Tom’s cat-like reflexes took over and he involuntarily kicked the queen in the groin. She folded over and toppled to the floor.

  “Oh no! I’m sorry. I’m sorry about that. Are you okay, Queen Abora?”

  The queen got up holding her groin but remained doubled over.

  “That wasn’t what I meant to do. I was trying to reach out and put my arms around you but that’s what happened. It must be the gravity machine.”

  The queen started to stand up straight but bent over again. “Ouch,” she mumbled. “You kicked me really hard. You might’ve broken something.” Finally she was able to stand up straight. She took a deep breath.

  “I am very sorry about that.”

  The queen probed her hip with her fingers. “I guess it’s alright.” She glared at Tom.

  “It wasn’t me. It’s these messed up gravity bonds,” he explained. He looked at her with the sexiest expression he could muster, and then, thankfully, he saw her start to melt. “Just turn off the machine so that I can get down from here. And so that I can use my hands.” He met her eyes and held them with his until she felt dizzy.

  “What if you try to escape? My husband’s wrath-”

  “Why would I bother? I’ve never met a woman like you. There are better things to do right now than run away,” he said, looking at her seductively.

  “Yes,” she said, taking a deep breath before turning and heading for the panel on the wall. This panel operates most of our planet’s settings. “I’m not sure which one it is but it’s one of these dials on the wall that turns the gravity off. I’ve seen the king do it.” She grabbed a large silver dial and turned it. A screen with blue waves on it became agitated and Tom felt like he was being ripped in half.

  “Not that one, Queen!”

  “Abora.”

  “Not that one, Abora! Not that one!”

  She turned it back the other way and he dropped to the floor. He rubbed his shoulder joints where it felt like they had been coming apart. He stood up and straightened his shirt. Queen Abora walked to him. Tom moved his foot back and forth, turning it at the ankle.

  “Is there something wrong with your foot?”

  “Maybe. I think there might be.” He moved it around and grimaced. “It feels like it may have been pulled out of joint.”

  She bent down and looked at it more closely and he hauled back and kicked her in the jaw hard enough to flip her on to her back. Her eyes rolled up and she went unconscious.

  “It’s always best, Abora, when you don’t see it coming.” He walked to the sophisticated gadgetry on the wall and studied what the various dials did. He was looking for the control that would allow him to tap into earth’s phone lines. He turned one dial after the next. Numbers and symbols passed by on a screen overhead. For a minute he even saw an image of King Johnson. What could all of these buttons and dials possibly do, he thought to himself. He continued to spin one and then another. He saw an image that showed earth and people communicating. He pressed enter and he was into their intergalactic communications center. He found a way to contact a cell phone. He contacted it and a man answered it back in the park on earth.

  “I’m here,” said a man.

  “Thanks for standing by. Turns out I am going to need a little back up on this one. I’m going to bring you down to the surface to help me. I’ll have to pinpoint your exact location. After I do, don’t do any bouncing around or kicking or anything.”

  “Why would I?”

  “Just don’t do it.” Tom made some adjustments. “Get ready. I’m locked on. Hang up your phone and then don’t move.”

  Back on earth John Travolta stood perfectly still. Suddenly a figure emerged from behind a tree and ran toward him. Travolta waved his arms at the man frantically. “No! No, don’t do it, Nick!” Travolta screamed, as Nick Cage ran and jumped into the glowing portal that had formed around him. There was a loud pop and then a whoosh of air and both of them disappeared from the park on earth. They landed with a heavy thump on the surface of tiny earth and lay there, trying to catch their breath.

  *

  “Do I look different to you, Cedric?” asked the King, as he ad
mired his face in the mirror on the wall near his throne.

  “Different?”

  “Different,” said the king turning his head up so that he could take a closer look at his neck.

  “Different?”

  The king turned and stared at Cedric and Cedric could tell that King Johnson was about to have one of his episodes.

  “Quit asking different! Different! Different! Different! What do you think I mean by different, Cedric, you halfwit!” He got off of his throne and paced the royal office. “What is it with you? You never want to give me straight answers. I say, Cedric, do you think I’ll require a hat today to protect me from sunburn. And you say, a hat? I say, Cedric, do you think that Mistress Lou Ann fancies me? And you say, Mistress Lou Ann? Will I need shoes for the beach, Cedric? Shoes? Shoes! Shoes!” He walked up close to Cedric and stared him in the eyes. “What do I keep you around for as my personal advisor when you never advise? You just repeat my questions.”

  “I don’t know, Your Excellency.”

  “Of course you don’t. Because you don’t know anything.” King Johnson stood with his hands planted on his bony hips for better than a minute staring at Cedric while Cedric stared at the floor. “Oh, Cedric, come here.” The king pulled his advisor close so that his face burrowed into the king’s gray chest hair. Cedric turned from side to side and blowing, trying to keep the hair off of his lips. “I shouldn’t be so hard on you. I try to contain my temper and to maintain a dignified appearance but you and your constant questions drive me to the brink of my sanity.” He kissed Cedric on the bald spot on the top of his head and then released him so he could return to his throne.

  “I’m sorry, Your Excellency.”

  King Johnson waved the apology off. “I’m getting healthier, Cedric. I feel more alive than I have in years.” He grabbed a handful of grapes from a table that sat near his throne and dropped them in his naked lap. “I think that pushing these nasty earthlings around has been good for me. I’ll let them sweat for a couple of weeks and then I’ll send them back to their excessive people. They’ll be so scared by the time that they get back that they’ll get all of the other inhabitants of their planet to agree to our demands. Their whole population will shrink down to a microscopic size like us so that they stop using up all of the earth’s resources.” He pulled a couple of grapes from the bunch and popped them in his mouth. “My appetite has gone out of control lately, Cedric, yet I seem to be getting leaner by the day.” He moved some of the grapes and pinched his wrinkly stomach. “Look, Cedric. Look at this. Like a twenty year old buck.”He set the grapes back in his lap and pulled a couple from their stems and popped them into his mouth. Then he pointed to the grapes. “My apologies, Cedric. Have some.”